I live in Texas. I own a home here. I own a piece of the American dream, and it’s here in Texas. A state that loves it’s cowboys. Loves it’s history. A state that does not love diversity or difference. If you fit the mainstream mold, you’re good. If you dare to be who you are, different, a “sinner” you are not embraced. In fact, you are actively and legally hated.
I’m watching the college world series and wanting to cheer for UT since I live here, and have friends who are alumni. I have a stake, of sorts, in Texas. Right? Well, it’s hard to love someone/something that doesn’t love you back. Vanderbilt just beat UT to advance to the college world series. And, I am really happy. My husband loves UT. He’s not happy about the loss. But I am. I like that karma always finds a way to make things right.
While I want to enjoy my home state succeeding, my home state hates me. Honestly, I’m not that big a person. I find great joy in the good old boy system’s defeat. Simultaneously the Texas Rangers are losing to the Angels. California? That’s where my husband and I were allowed, legally, to be married just prior to the initial passage of Prop 8. I love CA, and not for that reason. I have always loved CA. But, my husband and I live in Texas. We pay property taxes as homeowners in Texas. But, we are financially supporting a state that hates us. If we could comfortably enjoy the same lifestyle we enjoy in Texas we’d move to CA. And, I’d no doubt support CA sports for the same reason I support Texas sports, but actually NOT the same reasons. I am conflicted, no doubt. And while we currently live here in Texas, and financially support many aspects of our place of residence, including the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Rangers I am very happy to see our teams fail. I hate feeling conflicted. But more than that, I hate being hated just for being who I am.
And at some point I’ll learn to be OK with feeling conflicted.
Is it Just Me? 